Dissolution Granted

So today, just this morning, the dissolution was granted.

It was a mess of paperwork that I really got lucky on this morning, having brought way more copies than I thought I needed of various things - and hitting it right on the nose.

Slightly awkwardsauce sitting in the waiting hall for the magistrate to call us in. Then 10 minutes of "do you agree?" "do you agree?" and she complimented us on how we had made it through the system without help and wished everyone was as well-organized and mild-mannered as we were.

It was a good feeling, but then we said our goodbyes and crossed the street and ...lost? The leftover chains had dropped, the remaining weight off my shoulders, but there I was on a thin, stone path both sides bottomless water, all covered in fog, my bearings lost.

Still kind of feel like that now, a few hours later. Not scared, but not sure which direction to go. I dropped my daughter off at college last Thursday, dropped my marriage today. Things feel ...hollow right now. Happy the clutter is gone but curious about what to do with the space.

Good news is I suppose I worried this blog would dissipate after today, and I'm quickly realizing today easily could have been the very first post.

And the Girl I Kissed...

And the girl I kissed. Let's call her MH.

It's been amazing. We've been together for almost six months now. And I'm loving every minute.

We're spending exceptional time together and I've quickly fallen in love. Again.

My only worry is that I'm falling again too quickly; not that it's too quickly for the relationship, but that it's too quickly for me. I just spent my last 14 years with a woman I'll no longer be married to next month. I have powerful feelings for MH and nothing will change that. I'm battling with wonderful time with her and figuring out what time I need to remember to love myself.

I'd say I'm well on the way to loving myself. If I had a meter I'd be at about 60% (was down near 20% when I started this blog).

I just want to be happy and to make others happy. It's easier to make her happy than me, so I focus on that, which makes me happy, but not in the way I need.

So...working on it.

I promise more updates. But for now, know, overall, I'm pretty damn happy. :)

Filed and Waiting...

So I filed.

After a while of waiting for our lawyer friend to get us the paperwork and me finally saying "let's just turn it in," I took what we had to my lawyer buddy who quickly made one suggestion and I set out to file on July 11th.

I thought it was providence. July 11th was 14 years to the day that I met MS. I went in there with my $275 and all my documents photocopied 4x for submission, a file folder an inch thick.

And they said "sorry."

"Everything here looks good, but I seem to be missing a petition."

"What? We went through everything you guys had online and two friends familiar with the system and didn't see "petition" mentioned."

"Sorry. You'll have to both sign this and add it to the bundle and we can process you then."

ARGH!

So I met with MS for a quick signing. We were both frustrated on that missing bit. I returned on 7/14 (Bastille Day!) and they took the paperwork, which is a weird, uneasy feeling of "do you know what you're doing with all that?" and a back and forth to three different desks - and then the final scheduling. We dissolve near the end of August. I'll post here when it's done.

I felt so broken on the 11th, and then when it was done on the 14th, felt so empty of the joy I was expecting. No happy dance that day. Maybe in a few weeks?

The Paperwork

I've been out of the house for six months. In that time, MS and I have occasionally revisited the need to file the official paperwork to end the marriage. She was talking to a lawyer friend of ours to figure out everything needed to put all the paperwork together and what we needed to do the official filing.

Yesterday, she sent me the documentation for review. I was expecting a small book of notations and belongings and directions on how everything is to be set. But it's one page.

One page.

One page I could've filled out in 15 minutes.

Six months and I got one page. I'd be livid, except I'm overwhelmed by confusion as to WTF took six months to fill out a single page of basic information.

I'll be doing some research to make sure this is all on the level and whether I need to get more documentation or fill out anything else. Right now, this just doesn't make much sense to me.

On the plus side, if it's all good, we can finally file next week.

More to come...

That Girl I Kissed

So I kissed that girl and it was awesome.

Since then, we've been taking things slowly, not wanting to trump anything by over-eagerness. I've known her for over five years and just now we're getting to know each other in a completely new way. In a scary new way. We're already joining on so many levels it kind of frightens me: joy of cooking, patience of slow affection, little quirks and peeves we share...

Just...it's good. It's SO good right now.

I'm making her a mix tape. Well, CD.

Yeah, I'm already that deep. And I'm loving every moment of it.

Xmas Terrors

Little late on the scene here, but Christmas was part great fam fun and part nightmare.

The fun part is easy: great time with family.

The nightmare part, not so much. MS was pretty busy with work and decided she was staying in town as Mini and I headed to Cleveland. Since Mini wasn't able to drive her grandmother, her aunt's Xmas was cancelled. Shitty on all points.

Mini was livid and totally shut down during the Xmas time. I went out myself to bring her grandmother to feast with my own fam by invitation, and if I hadn't asked Mini to take her Grandmother's coat, she wouldn't have said five words to her throughout the evening.

WTF?

I know she was pissed about the circumstances, but don't be shitty to your own grandmother by completely ignoring her during the gathering. Right?

I don't get mad. I deal with things as they come. But this snub made me so angry it about brought me to tears during the night. I love Mini and I love grandma, and I could not possibly fathom the disregard she showed her during the night.

The night was fine, grandma was okay and enjoyed it. But Mini.... And when I asked her about it, she played it off like she did nothing wrong.

We raised her better.